Let Me Help You
by Pongo0614
Summary: Clara has always liked a silver fox but she had never believed the troubled life that her latest one has been through. He is cold, emotionless and doesn't like to be touched. How can this relationship last? Clara/Abused!12 WARNING: Themes of Self-harm, depression, suicide and abusive relationship.
1. Let Me Buy You A Drink

_Yeah, me again. Just thought you would like another story._

 _I hope you enjoy it._

 _Updates will be slow because I haven't had the chance to write (although I have written a chapter since Thursday, I hope that this is a good thing and I will get back into it.) Also this story will be updated on a Sunday but I am heading to Cheltenham today and wouldn't be able to post it tomorrow, so you are getting it a day early._

 _I will warn you now, I have included themes of self-harm, depression, suicide attempt and abusive relationship._ _I haven't experienced any of these myself, so please tell me if I get anything wrong. I would rather someone point it out to me than just be insulted by it._

 _I also want you guys to stay safe as well. I don't want anyone getting any idea so please, if you don't think you should read this story, I would rather you stay in a happier place than read this story. Please remain strong and you **can** defeat any demons you have._

* * *

 **Let Me Buy You A Drink**

They all broke out into laughter as the story ended. Clara could remember the last time she really felt this carefree. Maybe it was because they were heading towards the end of the school year and all the stress of exams had disappeared.

Everyone in the staff room had said yes when the pub was mentioned and it was a relief to have most of them there. Clara was friends with a lot of them and it was nice to just be able to speak to them all so causally, rather than just speaking to the teachers in the English department about school stuff.

Clara picked up her glass to find it empty. She frowned at it before telling her friends that she would be back in a minute. She weaved her way through the crowd, only stopping when she saw some of her year 13's sitting at one of the tables. They called out to her and she told them to have a good time but not to get too drunk. She couldn't help but smile as she carried on towards the bar. She knew as a teacher they thought that she was strict but kind. She really didn't see how it worked but they all seemed to like her.

She leant against the bar. The pub was quite full for a Thursday and Clara hoped that her height wouldn't lead her to a disadvantage. As she waited, she took her time to look at the other people waiting for their drink.

Her eyes stopped on one certain gentleman. She recognised him from somewhere but just couldn't place where. She guessed that he just lived locally and she had just seen him about from time to time. Even so, that wasn't what drew her to him in the first place. He was rather handsome as he stood hunched over the bar, swirling the last of his drink in the bottom of his glass before knocking it back in one. By his greying hair, she could guess that he was considerable older than her. But that thought didn't put her off him.

The bartender when straight to him when he dropped the glass. They spoke for a while before the man pointed to her. The bartender walked over to her and asked what she wanted.

She ordered her vodka and coke before fumbling around with her purse.

"It's okay, he has covered the cost of your drink."

Clara looked up at the bartender before looking over at the man she was staring at. He held up his refilled glass at her before talking a large gulp of it. She smiled over at him before placing her money back in her purse and taking her drink.

She debated with herself for a few minutes about going over to him to thank him. She decided against it for the moment and hoped that he would still be there later.

* * *

He was still in the same spot when she returned to the bar an hour later. The pub had become a lot quieter in that time and she very easily made her way over to him.

"Thanks for earlier."

He slowly turned to her. "It's alright lass."

Clara didn't have him down as a Scot but she was quite thankful for the accent. It just added to her first impression of him.

"Let me buy you a drink."

He raised his eyebrow at her, like he had just heard the most ridicules thing every. "There is no need for that."

"I want to."

"You don't need to. A pretty woman such as yourself should never have to buy your own drinks."

Clara couldn't stop herself from blushing. "Even so, I like to. You brought me one so I want to buy you one to repay you."

The man chuckled. He swayed slightly as he turned his body towards her. He leant against the bar.

"Or maybe you should stop. You look a little drunk."

"I am fine lass." He said.

Clara could smell the whiskey on his breath. "Then what are you drinking?" She asked again.

"The same. What are you drinking?"

She leant against the bar and asked the bartender for whatever he was having and just a coke for her.

"Come on lass. Don't you want anything stronger?"

"Some of us have to work in the morning."

"You're young enough. Hangovers down affect the young."

Clara laughed. "Even so, I do get them. I don't want to have to try and deal with a headache as well as a class of screaming children."

The bartender placed their drinks in front of them and the man quickly told him to put it on his tab. Clara tried to protest it.

"I was meant to buy you that."

He turned from her and took a mouthful of his drink. "And as I have said, a pretty woman shouldn't be buying her own drinks." He gave her confused look when he turned back. "What's that look for?"

"I don't know what to make of you. I don't know whether you are just being gentlemanly or you do this for all the girls you want to get with."

He remained to look confused. "What aren't you here with someone?"

"I am here with friends."

"But no boyfriend."

"I doubt I would have spoken to you for this long if I did. Anyway, you don't just buy drinks for someone if you don't think that they are single, would you?"

"Maybe I had just hoped for the best."

Clara looked at him properly. "You didn't expect me to come over. How many other people drinks have you brought tonight?"

He shrugged. "One or two. Don't know really. You lose track after a while."

"Makes me think that you have more money than sense."

He chuckled. "That I do."

They stood next to each other in silence for a bit. Clara sipped on her drink and stole little glances of him. She watched how his hands shook as he held the glass but he didn't spill any of the content.

"Then why did you come over then? Hmm. For all you know, I could have been married."

"There was always a possibility of that. But on a Thursday, any married man would have left the pub by now and I doubt any married man would give me a second look, let alone buy me a drink."

"I would."

Clara looked up at him. She really had no idea whether he was being serious or not. She had suspected that the drink was doing most of the talking really. By his body language, he didn't seem like the guy to go out and just pick up some random person. He was hunched over and only really looked at her a couple of times. It was like he didn't want anyone to disturb him and maybe that was why no one had, until she had come along.

"You can tell me to leave you alone if you want me to."

His hand shook more visibly and he placed his hands in his pockets. "Why would you think I would want to be left alone?"

"Don't you?"

He turned to her and looked at her properly, taking a few moments to trace his eyes over her. "No."

Clara smiled at him before starting up the conversation again.


	2. Let Me Give You A Place To Sleep

_Thank you for the reviews. In response to 'a hurt Doctor', this is the second story that I have done like this. I must like it as well._

* * *

 **Let Me Give You A Place To Sleep**

They had carried on talking till closing time. Clara had managed to totally and utterly sober up by that time, not that she had drunk much in the first place. She could definitely not say the same about the guy she had been talking to. If she thought he was drunk before, he was off his face now.

He still looked familiar and it was really bugging her to where she had seen him before. He leant up against the wall as she talked to the taxi driver to try and get them home or, at the very least, back to hers. She had a spare room that he could sleep in if it came to it.

He had tried to call over the bartender before they left for a quick one before he hit the road to which Clara protested. Luckily for her, the bartender agreed with her and even admitted that he probably should have stopped serving him a while ago. It had become difficult to get him out of the pub. He had tried to stand up and almost fell over. Clara had run over to help him and he had pulled his arm out of her grasp before stumbling backwards. She was sure that she had seen a look of terror on his face at her action.

She smiled at the driver before walking over to him. "Come on, I've go us a taxi."

"You know what." He slurred.

"What?"

"What the hell are you doing without a boyfriend? I mean look at you. You're young and beautiful. Alright I mean you are sort of short and round-ish, but you do have a good personality, which is the main thing. I am right."

Clara shook her head at him. He had been calling her beautiful more when he become more intoxicated. She really didn't understand him. There were times when he seemed like one of the most confident guys in the room and others when it seemed like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

"I think you have had one to many." She held her hand out to him. "Come on, the taxi is waiting."

He leant forward before going backwards and looked at her. "Why?"

"Because you need to go home."

"No I don't. The night is still young. We can go on all night."

"Please just get into the taxi."

"Why do you care?"

She stopped at that point. It was a rather good question. He was still a stranger even though they had been talking to each other for the good part of two hours. She didn't even know his name or couldn't remember whether or not they had introduced themselves. Why did she care?

"Because … even if I just met you, you seem like a nice guy and I wouldn't want anything to happen to you and I would feel bad if anything did. Please just … let me help you."

He blinked at her a couple of times and she was scared that she had said the wrong thing. He took her hand and allowed himself to be dragged towards the taxi. Once he was in, she quickly walked around and got in the other side.

"What's your address?"

"Sorry." He said, turning to her.

"Where do you live?"

He shrugged and Clara didn't really know what he was trying to do. Was he just this unhelpful or was it the alcohol? She turned to the driver and quickly rattled off her address.

"Look I can walk from here back to mine."

"And as I have said, I would worry if anything happened to you. Look, I have a spare room that you can crash in. Let me give you a place to sleep."

The taxi pulled away when he didn't argue.

* * *

Clara cursed the lift as they started their ascent up the stairs to her flat. She knew one was broken but that fact that the other one wasn't responding hadn't put her in the best moods. It would have been alright if she didn't have a six foot, Scottish man to drag up them. He was a lot heavier than he looked. They stopped every so often and she was still amazed that he still was a drunk as when he left the pub. She would have hoped that the fresh air may have done him some good. He started to sit down as she reached into her bag for her keys.

"No, no, no. Don't do that." She said as she stood him up again. "Look just wait a minute for me to unlock the door then you can sit down. Hey we could go crazy and you could lie down and sleep."

He did as he was told to. "You're a bit of a control freak aren't you?"

She placed the key in the door and swung it open. "I am not a control freak. What makes you say that anyway?"

"You are enjoying bossing me about aren't you?"

"Look, you might be on the skinny side but I don't want to try and haul you off the floor. It was bad enough getting you up the stairs."

She helped him in and moving him through her flat. She had wished that she had tried to keep it a little tidier and would have a quick go after she had got him to bed before trying to get a little sleep herself.

She pushed open the door of her spare room and sat him down on the bed before moving a few things off of it. He swayed before lying down on the mattress. He brought his feet up as well and snuggled into the pillow. Within seconds, he had fallen asleep and Clara sighed as she sat down to undo his shoes.

Part of her did wonder whether it was a good idea but seeing him asleep now, she knew that it was the least that she could do.

She placed his shoes next to the door and went to the kitchen, returning with a pint glass of water and some paracetamol. She was sure he would need it in the morning.

Clara lied down in her bed and looked over at the clock. It had just gone one in the morning and she knew that she could get up at eight at the latest. She would just apologise for not doing any marking. She managed to drift off into a peaceful slumber.


	3. Letting Me Cook You Breakfast

_Thank you for the reviews._

 _So a chapter from John's point of view._

 _Update: I want the chapter titles to be in a certain format and this one was wrong, so I had to change it._

* * *

 **Letting Me Cook You Breakfast**

The first thing he noticed was the smell of the sheets. They didn't smell like his did. He couldn't actually remember the last time he had washed his sheets.

The second thing he noticed was the flowery pattern on the pillow. There was no way he was in his flat. It was too girly for him.

He closed his eyes again and tried to remember what had happened last night. He remembered seeing a young woman looking at him from across the bar and he remembered telling the bartender that he would pay for her drink. But, as always, he drew a blank about the rest of the night.

It worried him even more as to why he was in someone else's bed. He would either find himself still in the pub or on the street or, on the rare occasion, back at his own flat, usually on the sofa. He never went back to someone else's.

John started to curse himself for drinking too much but he knew that he would do it again the next time. He would always drink too much after … well the one thing he wanted to forget but could never seem to.

He laid there for a few more moments before realising that he should probably get up and thank whoever gave him a bed to sleep in. He did take comfort in still being in his clothes and the other side of the bed being cold. It meant that he wouldn't regret the night too much.

He pulled back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed. He dragged his hands done his face as the headache started to grow. He was actually grateful of the pint of water and the packet of paracetamol. They obviously knew the implications of going hard. He took two before downing most of the water.

John stood up and swayed before he sat back down again. Maybe he should take his time. He didn't want to throw up on the person's carpet.

* * *

After managing to get up and out of the room, John used the bathroom, finding it on the first go, before making his way into the kitchen and coming face to face with the person who had given him a bed for the night.

"Morning." She said cheerfully with a big smile.

John groaned back in response.

"I am just doing myself a fried egg and some toast. Do you want some?"

His stomach turned at the thought of eating something. He sat down at the little table in her kitchen. "Ah, no thank you."

"You should eat something."

"I am not hungry."

"You need to eat something to soak up your night. You did go for it last night. Look just let me cook you breakfast. At least allow me to try and repay you for the drinks you brought me last night."

He looked up at her for a moment. "Are you always this bossy?"

She laughed at him. "I am sure we had this conversation last night. You called me a control freak."

"Did I? I can't remember."

"No wonder with the amount you drunk. I thought I might have to call you an ambulance rather than a cab. You can go for it, can't you?"

John sighed. He rattled his brain for any clue to what her name could be. He really couldn't remember whether they had introduced each other or not. She hadn't called him by his name so he did just hope that they hadn't had it was just another thing to add to the list of things he had forgotten last night.

He watched her as she plated up the food onto two plates and brought them over before going back to get cutlery and sauces. He pour both her and himself a coffee. Now that the food was in front of him, he felt like he could eat some of it. He just hoped it wouldn't come back up.

She looked around the table for a bit before getting back up. "Sorry, forgot the sugar." She said as she sat down.

John watched her for a bit. He was glad that in his drunken state he had chosen someone very attractive, with her round face a bright brown eyes. Her hair framed her face well. He didn't want to try and guess her age. It would only make him feel bad. He felt like some dirty old man taking advantage of some young woman. That is how the outside world would see them. He started to scratch his arm but tried to keep it looking as natural as possible.

"You might as well eat it while it is still warm."

He blinked a few times and tried to look anywhere but her. He really didn't know what to do with himself. Why did he walk into the kitchen? He knew she was in there. He should have just found his shoes and left without another word. She didn't need him. They wouldn't see each other after this.

He reached for the sugar and started to spoon it in.

"Have you got enough in there?"

He looked up at her. He had now lost count to how many he had put in there. There needed to be a certain number in there. Everything would go wrong if there wasn't the correct number. He looked back down at it and tried to calm himself down.

"Just you have already put six in there. Your teeth with rot if your not too careful."

He let out a shaky breath. Six. Just one more. He placed the last spoon of sugar in before stirring it. "I have managed to live this long without them rotting. I am pretty sure I can get to the end of my life without them doing it."

 _Keep it cool. Keep breathing. In and out. Don't freak out in front of her. Just don't freak out and everything will be fine._ He told himself. _Just eat. Just act normal. Don't freak out._

He picked up the knife and fork and forced himself to eat the food in front of him. He didn't want it. It was the last thing he wanted. Sooner he could leave and she could get on with her life and he would get on with his. By tonight, he would have forgotten about her and be back to doing what he did every night, trying to forget the event that changed him.


	4. Let Me Introduce Myself to You

_Thank you for the reviews._

 _Yes the sugar counting was a way for him to control his life and John is just a proxy (although that might seem confusing after this chapter, it will be explained)._

* * *

 **Let Me Introduce Myself to You**

Clara rattled her brain for his name as they sat eating. She had been trying to remember it all morning but she kept coming up with nothing. She couldn't even remember if they had introduce themselves.

His cold demeanour was more noticeable now that he was sober. She could tell that he didn't want to be there any more and part of her wondered why he didn't just leave when he woke up. He confused her.

"Clara." She said. "Clara Oswald."

He looked up at her like she was being ridiculous.

"I don't believe we introduced ourselves last night."

"John Smith."

"What do you do John?" She asked. Part of her knew that she was very unlikely to see him again but it was still bugging her that she recognised him. She watched him as he scrapped the top of the egg with his fork. After a while she knew that he wasn't going to tell her.

"You do know that it takes two to have a conversation."

"Maybe I don't want a conversation."

"You was rather chatty last night."

"That was last night."

Clara nodded before she looked up at the clock. "Oh my stars, I am going to be late." She said as she jumped out of her seat, quickly placing her plate in the sink before running out the kitchen.

She shoved some of her marking into her bag before she started to look for her keys.

"Where you going?"

She looked up at him. He was leaning against the doorway of her kitchen, looking quite lost.

"I have to go to work. Either make yourself at home or just let yourself out. The door will just close behind you if you do leave."

He nodded at her but she didn't particularly want to leave him. She gave him a smile before she walked out of her flat. She really didn't know what to make of him. The question threw her slightly. She just hoped that he was still there when she got back from work later.

* * *

After two troublesome classes, Clara was grateful for the bell to ring for break. She shouted over their voices to tell them to have a good weekend and to remember to read the chapters. She knew that it all fell on deaf ears.

A nice cup of tea was needed and urgently.

She wouldn't like to say that she hadn't been totally and utterly thinking about her classes today. John was on her mind and the more she thought about him, the closer she was sure she was to knowing where he recognised him from. She was sure that he wasn't a parent. She just wasn't totally sure where it was.

She pushed herself out of her seat and headed towards the staff room. Adrian called out to her and ran up to catch up with her.

"You should be setting an example. You know you shouldn't run in the corridors." She joked.

"Isn't it do as I say, not do as I do?"

Clara laughed at him.

"How was last night?"

"It was actually so nice just to not do any marking. Not that we have much to do now but marking just seems to take forever. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so I could get it all done without going into the early hours of the morning."

"Oh the joys of being a teacher."

"You can definitely say that again." She said as they entered the staff room.

"There she is. Where did you disappear to?" One of the other teachers shouted.

"I told you were she was." The teacher next to her said.

Clara laughed. "Sorry I got talking to someone."

"Yeah, but it wasn't just someone was it? It was the Doctor."

Clara sighed. Of course it was the Doctor. Now that she said it, she knew exactly who he was.

"I heard that he doesn't like people." One of them commented.

"He was pretty chatty last night." She said as she pulled her hand away from the kettle and grabbing her mug. "Not so much this morning."

"You went home with him?!"

"He was insanely drunk. I just offered him a place to stay the night."

"Good." One of the older teachers said. Everyone turned towards her and she put down the paper she was reading. "He isn't someone to get involved with."

Clara looked up at Adrian and he shrugged at her.

"Why?" She asked.

"You just don't want to get mixed up in his life."

* * *

Clara was still thinking about him and what was discussed in the staff room all afternoon. She could tell that none of the class were doing what she had set them to do but she couldn't think of any way that she could make them do it. It was nearly the end of the year. It was hard enough to make them do work at the best of times.

She glanced up at the clock to realise that there wasn't much of the lesson and day left. It wouldn't hurt them not to do one piece of work. It just meant that they would have to do it when they came back in the new year, unless she forgot.

Nothing more was discussed but the little things that she had noticed about his behaviour was probably what they were talking about.

She couldn't believe how long it took her to recognise who he was. As soon as the Doctor was said, she knew it was him. She idolised the man for a long time as a child. The thought of it made her smile. She had the Doctor sleep in her spare room and she cooked him breakfast and he had called her beautiful. She really hoped that he was still at her flat when she got back.


	5. Let Me Give You A Reason

_I am so sorry this is so late in the day (well it is for me). I have been at work all day (or feels like all day) and I forgot to post it during my lunch break. Anyway here it is now. Better late than never_

 _Thank you for the reviews._

 _Not so sure about this chapter._

* * *

 **Let Me Give You A Reason**

Clara wouldn't lie. She was extremely surprise to see him still in her flat when she got back. She stood in the hallway and watched him, wondering what he had done all day.

"Did … did you think I would recognise you if you told me what you do or did?" She asked.

"Sorry?"

"You're the Doctor."

"So." He shrugged at her.

She could feel the tears in her eyes. She knew that people said that you should never meet your idols but she had given up on ever meeting him ages ago. She walked over to her bookshelf.

"Deep Breath, Listen, Death in Heaven, Time Heist." She read from the spines, pulling the books out and throwing on the sofa as she went.

"Okay." He shouted. "Okay, stop. You have made your point."

She moved around to pick up the books on the sofa before sitting down on it. "I knew I recognise you. I just could place why I did. My mum got me into your books. I had always enjoyed reading and was way ahead of all the other children. I was 11 and it was the first time that you were going to come to Blackpool to do a book signing.

"By then I had fallen in love with your stories. I woke my parents up at half 5 just so that we could be one of the first. It was Death in Heaven that was being released. I remember that I kept asking them when you would arrive. One of the security guards said about 8. 8 o'clock came and went and it wasn't until it got closer to 9 that they told us all that due to unforeseen events, you were unable to make it today.

"I remember thinking that I would see you one day. One were one of the most famous and loved authors and you just disappeared. I loved your stories. I always waited for your comeback. You and your books were the reason I did English at university. I wanted to be surrounded by people that loved books as much as I did. Look, these books are as well worn as my copy of Pride and Prejudice." She looked up at him. "What went wrong?"

Clara was glad of the look on his face. It showed that he had actually been listening to her.

"I lost inspiration." He sat down on the sofa next to her and picked up one of the books, giving it a small smile.

"Is that why you drink?"

"One of many reasons."

She watched John for a moment. He seemed calmer with one of his books in his hands,

"You could have had anyone in that pub last night, why did you buy me a drink?"

"Spur of the moment decision. Out of everyone in that bar, why did you decide to spend the rest of your night with me?"

Clara smiled. "I wanted to thank you and return the favour but you wouldn't let me.

"I still stand by what I said last night."

She turned to face him, crossing her legs on the sofa. "Did you enjoy writing?"

"It was the best point in my life."

"Then let me give you a reason to start writing again."

He looked at her before moving up the sofa a bit. He obviously hadn't realised how close she had got. He looked confused.

"By how you acted this morning, I was worried I would walk back into an empty flat and go around my daily business and in a few weeks forget about you. But you are still here. I don't know what to make of it but I think if you wasn't here, you would be down the pub trying to get as drunk as you did last night. I don't know what you are trying to do to yourself but from an outside opinion, I would say that you are trying to destroy yourself. If writing was the best point of your life, why can't it be again?"

"Because I am not that same man." He whispered.

She stood up and jumped over the back of her sofa. She could feel him watch her as she picked up another of his books.

"Let's see if you can remember this. 'We all change, when you think about it, we're all different people; all through our lives, and that's okay, that's good, you've gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be.'"

"So?"

"So, you argue that you aren't the same man. Yet you wrote in one of your books that we constantly change. So you aren't the same man. Times have changed. Yes people still read the classics but our taste for literature, music and films have changed. You would have a totally different audience than when you started writing."

"But there would be others that would want me to keep it the same. Like you."

"Is that what has stopped you from starting again?"

"I don't want to let anyone down."

"Then let me help you so you don't feel like you will."

"We only met yesterday." John said apprehensively. "Why do you care so much?"

"Why did you stay?"

John looked down at the book and sighed. She could see his internal conflict. She was sure that he didn't even know why he had stayed. She reached out to grab his hand but pulled back as he flinched. He used the hand that she reached for to start to scratch his opposite arm.

"Maybe we could find out the answer to those questions together." She said.

* * *

Clara had been thinking over his question all evening. She couldn't really understand why she had said what she had. She knew that sometimes her mouth had a mind of its own but she was starting to regret everything she had said to John when she got back.

He had disappeared form the world and she was suggesting to bring himself back out into it. The man that looked like he waned to be left alone.

Maybe it was just her curiosity of what happened to him to make him stop writing. She had always hoped that she would met him but never how she had.

She sighed and turned towards the door as she continued to think about the man down the hall.


	6. Let Me Be Something To You

_Thank you for the reviews. I am so glad that you are enjoying it and I really hope I don't disappoint._

 _The Doctor is just his pseudonym for anyone wondering why he would be called that. It is probably a weird pseudonym but this is an AU Doctor Who fic._

 _Last night I changed the chapter name of chapter 3. I did that because when I make up titles, I want them to have some sort of meaning. For this story, with all the chapter titles, I want you to be able to change Me with Clara and You with John and it make some sort of sense, if you understand._

 _Hopefully this will become more obvious later._

* * *

 **Let Me Be Something To You**

It had been a few months since Clara met John. In that time, the summer holidays had passed and she was at back at work. She didn't know whether it was a good thing or not. Part of her knew why she was glad that John stayed around but there was part of her that kept thinking back to what had been said about him.

She was still quite proud of herself that she had managed to get him back writing. He wouldn't allow her to read any of it though.

He kept coming and going from her flat as he pleased really. He stayed there for most of the summer but now as she was back, he would always be there when she returned.

They would just enjoy each other's company more than anything and Clara never realised how big her small flat was when it was only her knocking about in it. She did miss him the days that he didn't turn up. She would either sit planning lessons or reading her summer read while he worked on his story. She always made him go out with her for a bit when he started staring blankly at the wall.

There was one thing that she had to accept over the last few months. John was extremely attractive and she was confused about what was happening between them. John being in her flat had become a silent agreement between them. Not one that she was about to put a stop to but she just wished she knew what he thought about it all.

"You don't have to do this." Clara said as she sat down at her dressing table.

"I want to."

She looked at his reflection in the mirror. "Sorry, it was just a bit of a surprise. I just expect to being going out for dinner tonight."

"I just ..." He started.

"It is a really kind gesture. It's been a long day that's all." She smiled to try and reassure him.

* * *

John asked her about her day once they had sat down and ordered. Clara told him about how her students never seem to listen to her, how there is always one that tries to make her life difficult and how she wished that some of her year 11s would realise how important this year is for them instead of just mucking about.

She looked up at him to see him taking in every single word she was saying. He seemed extremely uncomfortable and she wondered if it would be okay to ask if they could be moved. They weren't in the centre of the restaurant but the tables were quite close together.

It was something that she had noticed when they had been out. He would always be wary of crowds and would become uncomfortable very quickly. Sometimes Clara would just move them away from it. She found that if they went to a park, they were usually okay.

She actually sighed as their drinks were placed in front of them. The moment he took a big gulp of his drink, she knew that he would try to get drunk. She didn't mind him being drunk because he became more open and affectionate that way. It was just became one of his many ways to distract himself from the world. She had hoped that writing would become his main distraction.

"What are we doing?" Clara asked.

"We are having dinner."

She laughed. "No, I mean what are we doing? Like what is happening between us. Are you attracted to me or are you just doing it for the company?"

John dropped eye contact with her.

"I don't mind either way but I want to know if we are just friends hanging out or whether there is a possibility that this could be something so much more."

"I don't know."

She licked her lips before opening her mouth. The waiter came and placed the plates of food in front of them. She thanked him before turning back to the conversation.

"Throwing any concerns out of the window. Yes, I am attracted to you but if you just want to be friends then just tell me. I don't want to be thinking that things are moving in one direction when they are heading in a different one. Let me be something to you, even if it just a friend."

"I'm ..." He cleared his throat. "I'm still not over my last one."

"We don't have to rush into anything. If it happens then it happens." She said as she began to eat.

"I don't understand."

"Don't understand what?"

"Why are you helping me? You let me into your home when you didn't even know my name. You have helped me get my career back on track even if I think it is 20 odd years too late. My life is a mess and it is a mess for a reason."

"Because I care."

"You shouldn't."

"You know messes eventually sort themselves out." Clara said. "My life was a mess when my mum died."

"My mess is too big to sort out."

"But this thing that we have got going on does need two people. You keep coming back to me. I don't know whether you are writing because of me but you are writing again after 20 odd years. You have an inspiration."

"You." John stated, looking up at her.

She knew that he was broken. She knew that something had happened to him to make him the way he was. The look he was giving her right now made her want to take his hand into hers but she knew that he would only pull away from her.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything."

"Or maybe it needed saying." He muttered. "Clara … I will just let you down as I have let so many other people down."

"Then we will just see how it goes. I don't mind being your friend. Really I don't."

She knew that the conversation was over when he started eating. She would notice that there would be a few days where he would forget to eat. She didn't know whether he was just too engrossed in what he was doing that hunger took a back seat or he was doing it for another reason. She kept thinking that he was trying to destroy himself but kept batting the thought away.

Clara carried on eating the rest of her meal, wondering what they could talk about next.


	7. Let Me Comfort You

_Thanks for the reviews._

 _Sorry this is a little later in the day. Work has been mental today and I have only really just found the time. And then Victoria came on. OMG it's so good._

 _*starts nervous laughing* I hope you like this chapter._

 _Warning: You know that theme of suicide. Well, yeah. I don't really want to spoil it. I'm sorry._

* * *

 **Let Me Comfort You**

The room was silent. Clara looked over her students as they did the exam in front of them. She hated mock week. It was just days of silent classes and students getting upset as they got their results back not to get what they thought.

Then again, this might be the shock that most of them need to get their grades up. She knew that they could all do it and get a grades that they deserve.

Her thoughts turned to John. She felt herself smile.

Nothing had really changed between them. They were friends and there was still a large part of her that thought that they could be more. She would just have to get him over his insecurities. She knew it would be a hard job but she also knew she had the determination to try and make it work. The more time she spent with him, the more she fell for him.

Clara moved a few things around on her desk before opening up her little notebook and starting to write into it. She wrote down every reason she could think of as to why she should let him go and when she couldn't think of any more she wrote down the reasons to fight for him.

She was glad that the reasons to fight outweighed the reasons to let him go.

She turned to the clock. "Alright guys pens down."

She could hear a few groans as someone of them furiously jotted down what was on their minds. She walked up and down the rows, picking up the papers that she would now have to mark. After they were all in, she told them that they could go to lunch early. There was no point in starting anything new and they need something to keep their spirits high.

She picked her phone out of her bag and called him. She flung her bag over her shoulder as she walked out of her classroom towards the staffroom. She had got into calling him at lunchtime to make sure that he was alright.

" _You've finished earlier."_ John said when he answered.

"It's mock week. I let them go after they had finished."

" _Means you'll be marking tonight."_

"Better get as many of them done now as possible. I have another couple of classes that will be doing exams as well."

" _Aren't they a little early?"_

"I argued that but I suppose if they see what it is like at the beginning of the year, they might pull their socks up now. Anyway that's enough about me, how are you?"

" _Nearly finished this chapter. If I do finish it today then I will be halfway through it."_

"That's good."

" _Might have to go and get some coffee and sugar though. I seem to be drinking you out of it."_

"As long as there is enough for my tea, I don't care."

" _Clara."_

"Yes."

" _What you were staying the other week? Maybe we are heading that way. I just … I am not good at that sort of thing."_

"Nor am I really. Never could hold down a guy. We will sort it out." She paused for a moment. "You said about coffee but have you remembered to eat."

" _I found your strategically placed packet of biscuits if that is what you are on about."_

"That's a start."

" _I have stopped for the moment. Maybe I will make myself a sandwich when I make my next cup of coffee."_

"Sorry if it sounds like I am checking up on you."

John chuckled. _"Maybe that's what I have been missing. Someone to look after me."_

Clara smiled. She would definitely look after him. "Speak to you later."

" _See you later."_

She bit her lip with excitement as she reached the staffroom, trying to keep her smile under control.

* * *

The excitement of coming home to see him was quickly replaced with worry when she couldn't see him sitting on the sofa or he hadn't said something back to her when she had called out that she was home. She dropped her bags by the door and took the few steps up her hallway to her living room.

She scanned the room, trying to see one place that wasn't covered in paper. She could see that it wasn't just his writing on it but her students writing. Clara become increasingly more worried.

"John." She called out as she stuck her head into the kitchen.

The paper could be tied up and she knew that it would take her ages to do and sort but right now something was wrong with him. She placed her head into her spare room before her own, not finding him in either of them.

She prayed that he was in the bathroom and not had some meltdown and run out of her flat. She pushed open the door.

She sighed with some relief as she stopped him sitting in between the sink and the shower. She carefully walked towards him, taking her time to not step on all the pills that were scattered across the floor.

"John." She said gently.

He looked up at her with red eyes. "I'm sorry."

She smiled at him before kneeling down. She reached out a took the open, empty bottle out of his hands. Clara didn't know whether to take comfort in the amount that were on the floor. She looked at it before placing it down.

"John? How many have you taken?"

She reached forward and placed her hands on either side of his face. She brought his head towards her shoulder and used that movement to pull him closer to her, bring him into a hug.

"I'm sorry." He whispered over and over again.

Clara looked up and blinked as she held onto him. All she could feel was his heartbeat hammering against his chest. It was like he had two. She pushed him back to the wall before grabbing her phone out of her coat pocket. She was so glad that she hadn't put it back in her bag earlier.

"Who you calling?"

"An ambulance."

She turned away from him as he tried to reach out to grab the phone off her.

"No, this is my choice." He said firmly.

She grabbed hold of the hand that was trying to get her phone and tried to keep her emotions in check as she felt it tremor. She told them what she had thought had happened and that she would leave her door open for them to come and get him. She quickly got up and left her front door opened as she said before going back to him.

She slipped her legs under his and leant against the shower. She pulled his body towards her, placing her chin on the top of his head.

"Oh John."

"I don't need an ambulance."

"I don't care."

"I want this."

"If you did, you wouldn't be sorry."

"I saw her today."

Clara felt her heart stop. There had always been the rumours about him and his other half when he disappeared but she had always dismissed them.

"I came back to write. I came back to try and forget about her. I … I found your vodka but that didn't do anything."

She rested her face into his hair. "You could have called me."

"I am mess Clara."

"Let me help you. Let me comfort you. Let me in."

"You'll just leave me like the rest of them."

Clara opened her mouth to argue but the paramedics rushed in and started to do their job. She took mind to note his last statement down. It only inspired her more to be by his side.


	8. Let Me Look After You

_How many of you are still with me after the last chapter?_

 _I am sorry. I am so sorry._

 _Believe me when I say, I didn't enjoy writing the last chapter._

 _But thanks for the reviews._

 _I promise you from now on (other than one little bit), I have made this story pure fluff. There will be some extremely cute moments which I hope you will enjoy._

 _Shall I start now as I wish to continue?_

* * *

 **Let Me Look After You**

She hated hospitals. There was just something about the smell and nature of them that just made her squirm. But that didn't stop her from visiting him everyday after work.

It had been a little over a week since Clara found him crying in her bathroom after taking an overdose. It scared her to think what would have happened had he been in his own flat.

They hadn't really had the chance to talk over what had happened. The first few days he was still not with it and the other times, doctors and nurses kept coming to check on him. Her main plan for today was to get him out of there and back to her flat without anything going wrong.

Clara had to argue a lot with the receptionist as to whether she was allowed to know about his condition. Apparently only immediate family was allowed to know. She was quite chuffed with herself when she had argued that he had no family and he had no one expect for her.

She smiled at him as she entered his room.

"Why are you here?" He asked defensively.

"Because, even if you won't admit it, you need me."

John shook his head. "You shouldn't be here. Just forget about me Clara."

"I don't think I could."

He looked down at the sheet covering him. "I don't understand why you are doing this."

She walked over to his bed and gently sat on the side of it. "Nor did I to begin with. But I know why I do it now. I do it because I found you confusing. The confident drunk but timid man underneath it all. I do it because I see someone that wants to scream out for help but doesn't know how to. I really am here to because I want to help you John. I want to be your friend or whatever you want me to be."

"I'm just … not used to this any more. I … am not the man that you think I am. I worry so much that I am using you but I also scare myself with the thoughts that you are using me for some purpose."

Clara could just feel her heart sink at his words. If he wasn't the way he was, she would have reached out and grabbed his hand and squeezed it to let him know that she was there for him. But she knew it would only lead to him ripping it out of her grasp.

"Is that what she did to you? Did she use you? Is that the reason you reacted the way you did?" She whispered.

He didn't answer her but just started to scratch at the skin on his forearms. She turned away from him as she felt her eyes filled with tears. She had forgotten that he was her idol a long time ago but it was still hard to try and detach him from the writer she grew up with. It was hard to see a man that wrote about great love and adventure to be as broken as he was.

They both looked up as the consultant walked over towards his bed.

"Ah, Miss Oswald. I am glad you are here." She smiled at both of them. "Good news Mr Smith, we believe that you have recovered enough to go home."

"Why do I sense a but?" He muttered.

"But we won't allow you to just go off by yourself because we still believe that you might be a danger to yourself. As you have no family, informed by Miss Oswald and confirmed by yourself, we will allow to you be discharged to be looked after by Miss Oswald."

Clara turned to him. "School has just broken up for half-term. I am sure we can work something out in a week."

He carried on looking at the consultant. "Will I have to go back to her?"

"She has already been informed."

Clara had no idea who they were on about, but she was sure she would find out eventually. "John, let me look after you."

He looked at her before looking down at the hand near hers. She could see his fingers want to move closer but he was stopping himself.

He suddenly nodded. "Okay."

* * *

Clara had hoped that he might just sit on the sofa when she suggested tea but he had followed her to the kitchen. He stood, leant against the worktop, staring at the floor. He hadn't said a word to her since they had left the hospital. There was a part of her wondering if he was just trying to organise his thoughts to what he wanted to say to her or whether he was just trying to come up with something to say that would please her.

She picked up his cup and placed it next to him along with the sugar. He gave her a small smile as he turned and started to spoon it in.

There were a few things that she had to remember that he liked doing by himself. Placing the sugar in his drinks was one of them. There was also the personal space thing.

She picked up her mug and waited on the sofa for him. She sat crossed legged at the end and was quite surprised when he sat closer to her than she thought. She handed him over one of his books.

"You always seem calmer when you have one of your books in your hands."

"Maybe I shouldn't."

Clara gestured towards her cluttered table. "Also, all your paper is in that pile over there. Don't worry I didn't read much of it. It was difficult."

"You might as well. I don't know whether I could finish it."

She watched John as he took a sip of his drink.

"Now, I don't know whether I am still waiting for the comment of let me help you or whether you are waiting for me to start talking." John said.

"Couldn't I just be happy for you to be sitting here again? I always thought my flat was small but somehow you made it feel so much bigger."

"Maybe if you kept it tidier."

She laughed. "I suppose that wouldn't hurt." She paused. "I will be here, ready to listen to you, when _you_ are ready to open up. I could say everything I have always said but unless something goes terrible wrong, I plan to be here for you. I don't plan on disappearing any time soon."

"They do all leave me."

"You are going to make all the moves. Whether it is to talk or to leave. It is all up to you."

John placed the book next to him and turned to look at her. He reached out and grabbed her free hand and stroked the back of it.

It was only a little movement. It was a movement that her dad did to calm her down and silently let her know that he was there for her.

But coming from him, it made her heart swell. It sent shock waves through her body and she hoped that this was just one small step to a better future for him.


	9. Let Me Make You Happy

_Thank you for the reviews._

 _Okay. *Let's out a sigh of relief* You are still all with me. That is a good sign._

 _Hope you enjoy this chapter_

* * *

 **Let Me Make You Happy**

The Great British weather never failed to disappoint. Even though it was forecast to rain all weekend, Clara was please for it. Sometimes she just liked having days where she could be in her most comfortable clothes and curl up with a cup of tea and get all her marking done.

She picked the mug up be her side and took a sip of it before going back to the essay in front of her.

She would have usually put on some music but John's typing was equally as soothing. She enjoyed it when it was more constant. She could hear him thinking and could only begin to imagine what his internal monologue was telling him to write.

Clara knew that it would be harder the second time round. He was back at the start after his run in with his ex and if she thought that he was bad before, he was worse now. The first few days, John refused to leave her flat and even a few weeks later, it took a lot of persuading to get him out. She knew that he was scared that he would run into her again.

The good thing about him being cooped up in her flat all day is that he re-read all his notes and picked up where he left off.

There was still a long road ahead of him though and she hoped that he would make it through.

Clara groaned at the essay. Sometimes they weren't what she would expect them to be and she always tried to remain hopeful but bad spelling and grammar just made her cringe. She knew that she would have to pull out an old lesson on essay writing to hopefully help them.

"What?" John asked.

"The grammar of this essays. I have literally read this sentence five times and I still don't understand what they are trying to say."

"Maybe you should take a break?"

She looked up at him. He had taken up the whole sofa when she had said that she would sit on the floor to do her marking. He had taken to sit the end closest to her. It always made her smile when he chose to be closer to her.

"Maybe you should to. What do you enjoy?"

"Dunno."

She placed down her marking before getting up and walking over to her bookshelf. She started to scan her DVD collection.

"What are you doing?" He sat up slightly, leaning over to see what she was looking at. "Christ, I thought you would be on Netflix or streaming this illegal. You have quite a collection."

Clara giggled. "I would rather spend a tenner as a one off than have £6 or something like that come out of my account every month for something that I might not use for months." She started to pull a few off the shelves. "I would guess that you would like a bit of Sci-Fi." She turned to him. "Just get that vibe from you."

John chuckled. "That I do."

"Well my Sci-Fi collection isn't massive. What I would call proper Sci-Fi. ET?" She said showing him the DVD case.

"Really?"

"I only brought it because I hadn't seen it. Okay, the Matrix, Donnie Darko … oh Inception. Wait, what's down here. War of the Worlds?"

Clara looked up at him and saw his lips start to curl up.

"Go on. Give me a smile. Let me make you happy."

He shook his head as his smiled. "I have never seen Inception."

"Not have I. Look its still in the wrapper." She walked over and placed the disc into the DVD player before joining him on the sofa.

"Then why have you got it."

"I think I brought it for my boyfriend for his birthday but we broke up and I never gave it to him."

"Why?"

"He avoided me and so I thought that two could play at that game."

"No, why did you break up?"

She turned to look at him. "We just drifted apart."

"If you were mine, I wouldn't let you go."

Clara only allowed herself to smile when she had turned back to the TV screen. She felt so giddy.

Over the course of the film, they had drifted closer together and she didn't realise how close they were until she was leaning against him with his arm around her shoulders. She didn't know what she could get away with. She didn't want him pulling away. She slow raised her hand and laced their fingers together. She smiled as he moved to get more comfortable but didn't pull away.

The credits started and Clara pulled herself out of his embrace.

"Now that was the most confusing film I think I have ever watched."

"That's probably because you like romantic comedies."

"What's wrong with a good rom-com?"

"The story lines are so predicable. It is boy met girl, boy falls for girl, they get together, something happens and they split up, they are miserable until they get back together and then they run off into the sunset together, living happily ever after."

"They are more enjoyable that way because you are always rooting for them to get back together."

"But life isn't that way."

"And you watch movies and read books to escape life."

He smiled at her. It was different from the one he gave her earlier. It was one that she had seen so many times in the magazine's he had starred in. This was one of his genuine smiles. She smiled at the thought that he was smiling properly because of something that she had said.

"What do you fancy for dinner?" She asked, still smiling. "I could probably rustle something up or we could just be lazy and order in a takeaway."

"Lazy end to a lazy day?"

"Yeah. Chinese?" She said as she walked towards the kitchen.

"I haven't have a Chinese in years."

"This is the better one." She held up the menu. "I don't mind what we have so we could order a set meal."

He took the menu out of her hand before agreeing with her that a set meal would be fine. She had to stop herself from smile from how domestic it all felt.


	10. Letting You Open Up To Me

_Thank you for the reviews._

 _Right so I think this is the chapter that a lot of you have been waiting for. And it is all from John's point of view._

 _Just hope it is to everyone's expectations._

* * *

 **Letting You Open Up To Me**

She kept telling him that it was two way and he knew that but he couldn't explain to himself, let along her, why he kept coming back. John stopped typing. He would let her down. Something would happen and she would walk out of his life like everyone else did. He would be left alone again and go back to his destructive ways.

He opened up another word document and started to write down everything Clara had done for him from the little things to the moments that she should have turned away from him for. She had stuck with him through his relapse.

The thing he couldn't really understand is why she kept him around. He knew he was her idol as a child but there was defiantly more to it now. He had no idea how to react when she said that she was attracted to him. He always looked in the mirror and saw the greying hair and his face becoming more and more wrinkled. It amazed him that she could see passed all that to just see him.

She could just tell him to go and he would.

John looked up to see her marking. Her eyes flicked from side to side as she read through what her student had written, her hand in her hair, keeping part of it out of her face. He knew that she enjoyed what she did by the amount of effort he would see her put into helping her students. She was probably an amazing teacher and the type of English teacher he would have wanted at school.

"Clara?"

"Hmm, yeah." She said as she wrote something down.

He looked over at the list again before closing up his laptop and placing it to one side. "Why do you do this? Why do you let me into your home?"

She turned to him before placing down her pen. "Because … well the first time you were drunk and I didn't want anything to happen to you. Then I just wanted to help you. Not because of who you were though."

"Do you want a break?" He said as he could feel his courage slipping.

She gave him a small smile before she got out of the chair and joined him on the sofa. She sat next to him but kept the space that she thought he would need. He wanted her to be right next to him. Part of him even wanted to reach out and grab her hand.

"You keep telling me to let you help me and to let you do this, that and anything else. Well let me open up to you." He said.

Clara gave a few small nods before biting her lip. He knew that she was nervous about what he had to say and she had probably read the news articles about him but hoped they weren't true.

They had known each other for a few months. He had been around her flat a hundred times during that period. She had been nothing but kind to him. She deserved to know. But something stopped him for a moment.

It had only been a couple of weeks since his relapse, as he called it. He was still healing from it. He needed her and he was scared by what she might think about it.

No, she had to know. The sooner the better.

"I have joked many times about your control freak tendencies but … sometimes they freak me out." He started. "It was a long time coming when Death in Heaven was finally published. I was hit by writers block and it just wouldn't go away. I tried everything. I almost when to counselling over it. My publisher was on my back constantly over when I would have it finished. I just put my head down and tried to get it written. Once it was written then I could have a few months to myself again before they would start on me again.

"So that's what I did. I shut myself away from the world. She knew what I was like. She knew what I was trying to. But for some reason that time, it was different. I had become more popular at this point. I had always had a loyal fanbase but it had become more over the years. Book signs and interviews were still all new to me. She had got it into her head that the reason I was shutting myself away was because I was having an affair. I kept telling her I wasn't and it was just my publisher that was ringing me but she wouldn't believe me. It took me weeks just to make it up to her.

"She just started to control … my life. She would always answer my phone first. She would tell me if I had an upcoming book signing or interview that I hadn't agreed to. She organised what I was going to write and when. She would read through my work before it was complete and tell me to write it again. It was a real knock. The person who had been there for me when I kept being turned away from publishers had become the opposite."

"Oh John." Clara muttered

"I just had to keep up. I had to do it because I was scared of what she might do next. She had started throwing the paper at me or hitting me over the head with it. I had to forgo a few thing. I stopped sleeping. I stopped eating." He paused for a moment. "I suppose I did it to take back some control. I had always allowed her to dictate the direction we were heading in because I wanted to make her happy.

"When I finished Death in Heaven, there was nothing of me. She had broken me down and I hadn't helped myself either. I sat waiting for the meeting with my publisher. I stood up to go into the room when I was called. The next thing I knew I was in hospital.

"Even after that I didn't know how I was meant to leave her. We were … engaged. I knew I had to get away from her but didn't know how. So the more she tried to control my life, the more I tried to control the few things I could. I was just … I kept going in and out of hospital. Eventually it became so often that I was sent to see a therapist that I spilled to. She managed to help me out. I have just been trying to rebuild my life ever since."

Clara reached out and placed her hand on top of his. He could feel her hesitation so he reassured her by taking her hand in his. He could feel that she wanted to rock forward and place her head on his shoulder.

"John … thank you."

"For what?"

"For telling me. I can't imagine that it is the easiest thing in the world."

"No, I am usually judged by it. Be told that I should have manned up or I should have grown a pair."

"I'm not judging you."

He turned to look at her. There was the same look in her eye. The look that she gave him every time she told him to let her help him.

"I still need time."

Clara nodded. "I have all the time in the world."


	11. Letting You Repay Me

_Thank you for the reviews._

 _Sorry this is a little later in the day. It has been mad at work and I almost forgot about it._

 _Plus I have also have broken my phone so I am a bit annoyed with myself at the moment._

 _Anyway there is all my drama, how about some more drama for this story._

* * *

 **Letting You Repay Me**

John couldn't lie to himself any longer. Telling Clara about his past had been a big weight lifted off of him and he felt so much better for doing it. Everything just started to fall into place. He didn't want to but he had also started going back to his therapist. She didn't hide her surprise that he had decided to come back.

For once in his life, he thought he could leave it all behind. He could finally move on. He could be the man that he was once more.

And it was all thanks to Clara Oswald.

"John?"

He smiled as she walked up to him. "I thought as it was a lovely day, that we could walk back. I know you walked in this morning because your bike is at the garage."

"It was a lovely thought and a good idea. Here carry this for me." She said as she handed over a tote bag.

He took it off her and swung it over his shoulder as they started walking off. This had been a quick decision by him, mainly because he wanted to see her sooner. Plus he also wanted to try and do something to show his appreciation of everything that she had done for him. This was only the first thing.

"I have a surprise for you."

"Oh, what is it?"

He chuckled next to her. "Well it wouldn't be a surprise if I told you now, would it?"

"You seem really happy today."

"Well I am having a good day."

"Good because I have had a good day as well."

He turned to her and smiled. "Well, I don't think I will relapse again with you by my side." He said before his mind could think about what he was saying.

It wasn't that it wasn't true but after saying it, he wondered if it was too soon to say something like that.

Clara smiled at him. "I hope I am helping."

"We better get back. It is getting dark. How about when we get back, you go and get dressed in that new dress you brought?" He took a side glance at her. "That is all your getting at the moment."

* * *

If there was an eighth wonder of the world, John was pretty sure it would be Clara Oswald. He watched her as she carefully put her hair up into a bun before starting with her make-up.

She was an extraordinary person and he should be extremely grateful to have her by his side. He knew that she should probably stay in and do marking but he wanted to make her feel special. He wanted to show her what she meant to him. 'Let me help you' she would say. This was him showing her that she had helped him.

"Where are we going?" She asked when she had finished.

"You'll see." He said as he headed towards the door, hearing her footsteps close behind.

* * *

"John, I stick out like a sore thumb."

"No you don't."

"I am a school teacher. Not many school teachers go to the Shard. I don't feel posh enough to be here."

John laughed at her as they reached their table. He pulled out her chair for her and pushed it in as she sat down before he took his seat.

"You don't have to be posh to be here. It is open to the public. What does it matter if you are a school teacher or a successful business woman? For all they know you could be a school teacher in some boarding school full of posh little … so-and-sos."

"Well it's alright for you. Your a famous author how has probably gone to a few posh places over the years."

He just shook his head at her. "You look beautiful tonight."

"I do scrub up well for a school teacher."

"Yeah, you do."

* * *

As they stepped out into the fresh November night, Clara shivered next to John.

"Here." He said as he took off his scarf and wrapped it around her neck.

"Are you sure you don't need it?"

"No, I'm fine." He turned up the collar on his coat to keep the cold air from his neck.

"Thank you."

"Now, there is a bar down there that does some of the best cocktails I have ever had in London or I could get us a cab and we could go back to yours."

"I like the sound of cocktails." Clara said.

"You better be careful Miss Oswald. It is a school night."

"Yeah and ..." She looked up at him. "You don't believe that this is my first night out when I am working the next day."

"We met on a school night."

They started to walk towards the bar. John wanted to grab her hand or something but couldn't find the courage.

"We should do this more often. This is nice."

"It is."

"I also feel like I owe you."

"John, you don't owe me."

"I do. I would be dead if it wasn't for you. I know that you might argue that I may have not run into my ex if I wasn't at your flat but I don't drink as much as I used to. I don't have the urge to drink like I used to. I … I am trying to slowly come off the anti-depressants because I don't want to be come dependent on them again. It is all because of you Clara Oswald. You have made me the man I was again. I owe you for my life."

"But don't think that you have to do these things because of that. I enjoy your company. I enjoy you hanging around my flat. My life hasn't been the same since you entered it and for the better."

He smiled down at her before finding some courage to hold his arm out for her, keeping his hands in the pockets of his coat. She slipped her arm in his before moving closer to him.

He could do this. He could make it work with her. He could make it up to her but maybe not as she was thinking. She had said that she wasn't good with relationships. He wasn't good with relationships.

Maybe it is what worked between them. They didn't feel like they had some expectation to rise to. It was just him and Clara Oswald. And part of him hoped that it could always be that way.


	12. Letting You Try Something with Me

_Thank you for the reviews._

 _We are still in John_ _'s POV_

* * *

 **Letting You Try Something with Me**

"So, how are you today John?" His therapist asked.

There were a number of words that John could come up with to describe how he felt. He could write a whole paragraph on how he felt. He smiled widely.

"I'm good, excellent in fact."

"Well that is a lot better than you were last time."

"Last time, I didn't believe I needed this. Now I do need this."

"Why do you think that you need it?"

"I … I've met someone."

It was the only reason he was back. He knew that he had to talk to someone else about it. He wanted to be able to make a go of it with Clara. She made him want to have another relationship. She made him realise that he could have another relationship.

She raised her eyebrow at him. "You told me on many occasions that you never thought that you would find someone again."

"The thing is she is amazing. I just cannot believe that she is in my life. Clara … she has just helped me so much. She has just been there, never really wanting much from me." He chuckled. "She brought me back to hers when I was drunk because she didn't want anything to happen to me. I could never really find a reason why I stayed around."

"She obviously made an impression on you."

"She has helped me write half a book. She has become my new inspiration but she could be more than that."

"Well I am impressed. You said you would never write again."

"I have said a lot of things that she has changed." He paused. "I probably should have come back to you sooner. I … I relapsed. I was told that you were told. Clara was there. She found me. I was actually glad that she found me."

"Have you wanted to relapse again recently?"

"No. I wouldn't want to put her through that again. I felt safe with Clara. I feel like I owe her for putting her through that."

"Clara is a very lucky woman."

John smiled. "No I am the lucky man to make a drunk decision."

* * *

"Hey, I'm home." Clara shouted out as the door opened.

"In the kitchen." He shouted back to her.

John quickly turned around and made sure that the flowers on the table looked as they should do. He wanted a things to be perfect tonight. After his session with his therapist, he had gained the courage to push on with what he wanted to but felt like he couldn't.

"Mmm, it smells great." She said as she came in.

"I thought I would make myself useful."

"So you have put up with my bad cooking for months when you can cook."

"I'm not the best either."

He pulled the tea towel off his shoulder and used it to get the pot out of the oven. He smiled as he watched Clara sit at the kitchen table and she took in the flowers there.

"I feel like I am missing something." She said. "Cooking dinner. Flowers. Defiantly missing something."

"I just wanted to do something nice for you." He said as he brought over their dinner.

"You still feel like you owe me."

"Clara, I will never feel like I don't owe you."

She shook her head at him as she smiled before she picked up her fork and had a mouthful of what he had made. He watched her with apprehension as she tried it.

"Okay, I don't care if this is the only thing you can make. We don't have to go to a restaurant ever again. This is brilliant. You are a brilliant cook."

He took a mouthful of it. "It's not that great."

"This is ten times better than I can do."

"How was your day?" John asked.

"It was good. I mean, there were a few troublemakers. I just wished some of them just took their schooling more seriously."

"I never took mine seriously."

"Yeah, but unfortunately, I don't think that they could get away becoming an author. I just want them to do well. They all have these big dreams and I want them all to follow them. I don't want them to look back in 20 years time and say that they wished that they had tried harder at school."

"I suppose."

"This is really good though." She said, pointing towards her dinner with her fork.

John smiled at her. He was a lucky man. Someone like her shouldn't have given him a second glance. She couldn't have invited him into her home.

He reached forward and held out his hand to her.

"Can I try something?"

She placed her hand in his. "You can try anything, as long as it is within reason."

He could feel his heart beating as he stood up and pulled her out of her chair. He lead her towards the little balcony that her flat had. The sight of London at night always seemed to help calm him. It was the perfect way to help him to do what he want to.

Part of him wanted to lean against the rail to try and gather his thoughts but instead he pulled her closer to him, bring her into a hug.

"Flowers, dinner, hug. I can't keep up."

"Are you complaining?"

"No, I like this side of you."

"Good." He let out a shaky breath. "Because you will be seeing more of this side of me."

John didn't allow her to reply as he leant in and placed his lips on hers. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to be taken in by her. He brought her closer as her hands drifted up his arms, to the back of his neck.

It felt like he was having his first kiss over again. It was amazing and he didn't want it to end. He knew that he could get totally and utter lost in Clara Oswald and that was what he was going to do.

He was the one to pull back. "Is that alright?"

Clara smiled up at him. "Yeah, that's alright."


	13. Let You Hold Me Close

_Thank you for the reviews._

 _So we are back to Clara POV._

* * *

 **Let You Hold Me Close**

Clara really just couldn't stop smiling to herself. It was slightly becoming a problem. She would always smile widely whenever she would think about the kiss he gave her.

Her lips curled up at their own will.

She had enjoyed all the little touches that he had given her and she was grateful for him telling her what had happened to him. She was glad that he was becoming the person she had expected him to be. She was glad that the space that she had given him had helped. He was the one to make the first move.

But that kiss had surprised her.

She had just expected that he was just trying to impress her and she did wonder if it was too soon for him but he had obviously made the decision that it wasn't.

The little touches were still the same but now there was kisses on the cheek and forehead that Clara just closed her eyes to commit the sensation to memory. She had never been like this over a guy before.

John had also practically moved into her flat. He had since his 'relapse'. He hadn't mentioned his flat and she had wondered if he should just sell his to move permanently into hers. She hadn't voiced the idea just in case that thought scared him.

"Does he walk you home everyday?" Adrian asked as they reached the main entrance of the school.

Clara smiled as she watched John push himself off the wall as he noticed her. "Yeah, he does."

"I have never seen you like this."

She turned to him. "I have never been like this before. I'll see you tomorrow."

Adrian said his goodbye and she had to stop herself from running over to him. She was so glad that she never believed what was said about him. She was glad that she never left him. He kissed her on the cheek when she reached him.

"Good day?" She asked.

"Brilliant day." He replied as they started to walk off. "I went to see my therapist today."

"You're still seeing her?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

John turned to her. "Why do you say it like that?"

Clara was shocked at the tone of his voice. "I didn't realise that you had gone back to her that's all."

"I didn't realise I had to tell you." He said defensively.

She cursed herself. "You didn't. I'm sorry."

"No, I shouldn't have snapped."

"No, it must be better to talk to someone else other than me about it." Clara said, slipping her hand into his.

He took her hand and squeezed it. "She wasn't must help in the past but yeah, she is someone to talk to about things I can't voice with you."

"Why can't you voice them to me?"

"Because they are things about you."

Part of her really wanted to know what he had been saying to his therapist about her. But she realised that all the little changes in him and their relationship was probably because she had managed to give him the strength to just go for it whereas Clara couldn't just do that on her own.

"I hope all good things."

"Oh Clara Oswald, I could never think of a bad thing to say about you."

* * *

Part of John practically moving in meant he also had times where he wanted to be close to her. Clara didn't mind this one bit, whether it was snuggling up on the sofa or their legs knocking together as they both sat on the sofa.

There were also nights where he would tell her goodnight in the hallway before going to her spare room, but then there were also nights where he would follow her in her room and lie next to her. She just wanted him to wrap his arms around her and pull her closer to him.

If she didn't love it before, she loved how different this relationship was to any other that she'd had in the past. They could sit in silence and just enjoy the other one being there rather than having to think up things to do together. She didn't have to feel like she had to impress him. She didn't feel like she had to fall into bed with him.

That night was a night that he followed her into her room. He no longer stood awkwardly at the door, but instead sat on the side of the bed that had become his. They had already changed and Clara sat at her dressing table to quickly take off her make-up. She watched him in the mirror as he took off his watch and placed it gentle on the bedside table.

Their relationship was different from anything she'd had but she loved how domestic it all felt. She felt like she could live with him, like they were, for the rest of their lives and not regret it at all.

Clara joined him in bed and rolled over to look at him. He was usually flat on his back but that night, he was on his side looking at her. He raised his hand and tucked part of her hair behind her ear.

"Clara, I am sorry for earlier." He whispered.

"I know and I am sorry too."

"What are we doing?"

"I think we are in a relationship."

"This feels like no relationship I have ever been in."

"Nor have I."

They feel silent but Clara could feel his hesitation, the question on the end of his tongue. She opened her mouth to tell him to ask it.

"Could I hold you?" John said. "Let me hold you close."

Clara moved closer to him. "I would love you to hold me. I would want nothing more for you to hold me."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her even closer to him. She wrapped her arms around him and placed her cheek against his chest. She could feel him place his chin on the top of her head.

"Goodnight." She said.

"Goodnight Clara Oswald."

She wanted them to stay like they were forever. She felt safe in his arms. Clara thought over what he had said to her about him not relapsing with her be his side. She hoped it was true. She hoped that she had finally helped him get his life back on track.

She allowed her eyes to close, thinking about how this was all that she needed now. There was nothing more she could want from life than what they have never ending.


	14. Let You Take Me Out

_Thank you for the reviews._

 _We are on the penultimate chapter._

* * *

 **Let You Take Me Out**

Clara fed off his excitement. She wanted to laugh at him as he acted like a kid at Christmas. But at the same time, her smile showed the pride she felt for him.

December had come around fast and as she was heading towards the end of term, John was off trying to promote his new book.

He had finished it a while ago but it took quite a bit of encouragement from both Clara and his therapist for him to actually hand it over to his publisher. She had been in the office as the man behind the desk read through it. She had been as nervous as he had been.

He had loved it and had pushed through for it to be published as soon as possible. He had said that he hoped for it to be released before Christmas to get big sales. He told John that it would be another best-seller.

Clara could feel that he didn't want it to be out as soon as that but accepted it.

A press event had been organised to get the book advertised as widely as they could. The room filled up with people as soon Clara noticed that John's excitement had turned into nerves.

"Are you alright?" She whispered to him, trying not to draw attention to them.

"There are too many people here." He said, letting her know that he was beginning to freak out.

She placed down her glass before she turned him to her. "Feeling claustrophobic?"

He nodded as his breaths became sharper.

"Okay, take in a deep breath and slowly let it out."

He did as she asked and she really hoped that what she was about to do was going to help him.

"Tell me five things that you can see."

"You, the pile of books, my publisher … the table of refreshments … you."

Clara smiled after. She didn't really think that him saying her twice was the thing to do but she allowed him to have it anyway. She was just glad that he was doing it.

"Okay four things you can hear."

"You talking, laughter, whatever weird music they have in the background … your voice." He said, sounding calmer already.

"Three things you can touch."

"My book, my velvet coat and you."

"Two things you like the smell of."

"You and … candles."

"Take another deep breath and let it out slowly." She smiled widely as his shoulders relaxed with the breath going out. "Feel better?"

"Where did you learn that from? I have need that for years."

"The other day a student was having a panic attack or something like that and one of the more popular kids rushed over, moved everyone out of the way before telling her to do the same as I just asked you to do. I asked her afterwards how she knew what to do. She told me that she had seen it on the internet, so I looking it up and memorised it just case something happened and I hoped it would work."

"It was brilliant. Thank you."

"I think the last thing you need after everything that has happened is for you to get up there to take questions is for you to freak out and … You have come so far, I don't want you to go backwards."

"I don't want to go backwards either." He pulled her closer to him and placed a kiss into her hair. "I have you. I have a reason to not go backwards."

She wrapped her arms around his middle to try and make use of the small amount of time that they were probably going to share together while they were there.

"Also thank you for being here tonight. I know it is a school night and you have a lot of marking but I have wanted to take you out for a while now."

"As long as the next time you let me take you out."

"Clara Oswald, from the first night, you should have known that would never be an option. I will never allow you to buy your own drinks."

"A girl can try."

"Yes, and fail."

* * *

Clara could listen to him all day talk about his book. He spoke with such enthusiasm that it made her glad that she had got him writing.

She had worried about him when he first stood up on the small stage that they were using. He looked so nervous when he first got up there but she could see the man whose books she fell in love with.

"When Death in Heaven was published, the few interviews you did, you talked about how hard it was to write. After all this time, you have decided to pick up the pen again. What made you change your mind?" One of the reporters asked.

"I met an incredible woman who encouraged me back into writing. She became my inspiration and my strength. She means the world to me now and this story wouldn't have come about if it wasn't for her really." He paused. "I was too caught up in my own self pity to realise I could write again."

John's eyes flicked over to her and he smiled. She smiled back at him before turning to get a refill of her drink. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as a woman made a quick exit.

* * *

Clara smiled widely as John talked to the reporter that had come up to speak with him. He had brought up again his inspiration, to which John had turned to her and told him that she was it.

"You know what." He said when he had left.

"What?"

"I would love to introduce you as my girlfriend. You're not just my inspiration. That sounds too short term. You are my girlfriend."

"Why don't you? What's stopping you?"

He opened his mouth to reply but instead it curled up into a smile. "Your right. There is nothing stopping me."

"Well, that is how I see us now."

"Well, that is how it should be now, shouldn't it?"

"John, you call the shots."

"We are going out. And from now on, you are my girlfriend."

Clara couldn't remember the last time she had smiled so widely for a whole night.


	15. Let You and Me Become Us

_Thank you for all the reviews and support. I am glad that you all have enjoyed it._

 _Unfortunately guys, this is the last chapter of this story._

 _On another note as well, I am thinking about taking a break from uploading to Fanfiction. I have been struggling with writing and only writing because I have to or otherwise I can't post. I don't want to get into forcing myself to write just to keep up. So will be still writing but any full length story won''t be up until the new year. I am also in my final year of university and I really need to focus on that rather than fandom related stuff._

 _I will be back with Yes Sir and Why Can't You Love Me Like He Does? on the 10th and 15th of January 2017 at the earliest._

 _So on with the last chapter._

* * *

 **Let You and Me Become Us**

Clara had tried to relax her control freak tendencies when John had admitted that they freaked him out, but they were going into overdrive now.

John had become extremely secretive and it was driving her mental.

She wanted to know what was going on. He had spent an incredible amount of time on his laptop, just scrolling through the internet and was jumpy when she came over to look at what he was looking at, closing the lid slightly.

She had no idea what she was meant to expect.

"You are joking aren't you?"

"Adrian, you know as well as everyone else, I hate surprises. I like everything planned out. It isn't like this only happened yesterday. It has been happening since the press event, two weeks ago."

"Can't you just ask him?"

"I have. He just keeps saying that he is doing some research. What research does he have to do? I was in the office when his publisher said that he wouldn't expect anything from him until the spring at the earliest. And he said that he would take a break."

"Maybe he has just been hit with a good idea. They can fade fast."

"I just don't like it."

"Just reign in those tendencies for a little longer. I am sure he wouldn't do anything that would upset you."

* * *

The last thing that she had expected was her flat to have boxes everywhere. She stood in the lounge and looked as they filled the floor.

"John?"

"Yeah." He said as he joined her.

"Boxes."

"Oh yeah. Don't worry they aren't books. They will go straight to the stores. I used to get them but then they would just fill up the flat."

"So what are they filled with?"

"I have decided to sell my flat. Well I have sold it." John explained as he picked up another box. "I haven't been there since before I went into hospital and it was only gathering dust. I would have probably asked you to move in there but it is miles away from the school."

"Okay."

He looked at her. "What it the wrong thing to do?"

"No." She said, looking up at him. "Just a bit of warning would have been nice. I could have helped you. Where are we going to put all this?"

"Don't worry. Most of it can go the charity. I just needed to get it out so I haven't had the time to sort through it."

He gave her a wide smile before walking off with the box.

Something was definitely up.

* * *

"He did have a point." Adrian said.

"I know and I had always meant to talk to him about it but … I never expected him to make a decision like that."

"You are still suspicious of him."

"I think you are right. He is not doing it to upset me. Just ..."

"Clara let the man have his secrets. He trusts you and I am sure he will tell you what is going on when he want to."

"I know. I just worried."

"I know."

* * *

"Dad?" Clara said as she walked into the lounge.

"Clara. You look well." He said as he hugged her.

If she was suspicious before, she was extremely suspicious now. Her dad never visited her of the blue.

"I am."

"I told you she wouldn't be long." John said as he brought out two cups of tea, handing one to each of them.

"Is Linda here?" Clara asked politely as she sat down.

"No, she is still in Blackpool."

"So what are you doing here?" She said without thinking.

"Do I have to have a reason to see my own daughter?"

"No, I am just a bit surprised that's all."

John dropped down next to her placing his arm around her. Clara started to talk about her day when she was asked but she couldn't still shake her suspicion that something was going on.

* * *

"You know, you could have told me that you were going out with someone roughly the same ages as me. I wouldn't have flipped. Linda may have had a few things to say about it but I would have calmed her down." Dave said when they had a moment alone.

"I know, just there never seemed to be the right time to tell you."

"I recognise him though."

"He's the Doctor."

"Clara? Really?"

She nodded. "Yeah. But I have come to love John as much as I loved the Doctor."

He smiled at her. "You really do, don't you?"

"He says his life has been better since I entered it but my life hasn't been the same either. Just everything has seemed to fall into place."

"I am happy for you Clara."

"Thanks."

"He really seems to want to look after you."

Clara just smiled widely.

* * *

She had managed to keep calm about whatever John was up to. It was what she had to do. Adrian was right. He would let her know what was happening when he needed her to know.

She had paced her lounge when he disappeared out the other day. She had been marking when he came up and kissed her on the cheek, telling her that he was just popping out. She had run back to her seat when the door opened, trying to not make it look suspicious.

They stood in front of the oven as they watched the soufflé.

"This is usually where it goes wrong for me." She said.

"I haven't ever made one before. I am sure it still tastes nice even if it does fall flat."

"It will. It is my mum's recipe. It always tastes amazing."

The buzzer went off and Clara sighed. She turned the oven off before she grabbed the oven gloves.

"Moment of truth." She said as she opened the oven and picked the ramekin up.

She quickly walked over to the table with it and placed it down. She smiled widely.

"It hasn't fallen."

"I have heard that theses are best straight out of the oven."

She picked up one of the spoons and dug in. She placed her other hand over it as she brought it up to his lips. He opened his mouth and she fed it to him. He held the spoon in his mouth, forcing her to let it go. He pulled the spoon out of his mouth.

"Now that is good." He said as he copied her action.

When he had suggested making a soufflé, she had thought that he was mental. They had rushed down to the shops and quickly brought the ingredients that they needed. Trust him to suggest it on Christmas Eve of all days.

But his idea had been a good one and she had enjoyed making it with him. The fact that it had worked had pleased her even more.

"Okay, what is this all about?"

"Sorry?"

Clara laughed. "I just have this feeling that you are trying to make an effort. Not just that but you have been acting suspicious."

"Have your control freak tendencies been twitching?"

"Twitching? They are in overdrive."

"Then allow me to explain. And I was just going to get there." He cleared his throat before grabbing both her hands, making sure that she was looking at him. "You know how much you have changed my life. You know the impact that you've had. I haven't felt like this for years. I have always been the shadow of the man I could be.

"You told me to let you buy me a drink. That is one thing that you will never do. You told me to let you give me a place to sleep. I let you cook me breakfast. You told me to let you give me a reason to start writing again and you did. Do you know how many people have tried and failed at doing that? You told me to let you be something to me, even if that was just a friend. During my relapse, other than you telling me that I didn't want to do it because I was apologising, you told me to let you comfort me.

"Many people would have left me at that point but not you. You came to the hospital and told me to let you look after me. You told me to let you make me happy when you were trying to find a film for us to watch together. I let myself to open up to you. There are only a few people who know what really happened to me and I wouldn't want to carry on being with you if you didn't know because it wouldn't have been fair on you. You have let me repay you even though you think I don't owe you. You allowed me to kiss you when you had no idea what my intentions were.

"The first nights that we shared a bed … it didn't feel right not to hold you. And you allowed me to when I asked. You let me take you out all the time. You asked me what was stopping me from calling you my girlfriend and I told you nothing. Well, there was something, it was myself. I don't want anything to go wrong between us. I feel like it is you and me, Clara Oswald and the Doctor, against the world. The only other time I have felt this way was with her. So I want to ask you something."

Clara could feel her eyes go wide as he got down onto one knee.

"I know it has only been a few months since my relapse. I know we have only known each other for a few months. But we don't have to rush into anything do we. We have the rest of our lives. But there is one thing that I want. I want you to be by my side for the years that I have left. How about it Clara Oswald. Let you and me become us."

Suddenly everything feel into place. The reason why he was so suspicious. The reason why her dad turned up out of the blue. The reason he was making so much of an effort.

"Yes." She whispered before repeating it louder.

This was what she wanted. Everything he had said had made sense. She replayed the conversation she had with her dad. Yes, she loved him. Yes, her life had been better with her in. Yes, she wanted to spend any time that they had together with him. Yes, she wanted him. There would never be anyone else like him.

Clara was tied between pulling him up to her or to drop to her knees in front of him. Instead they met halfway. He cupped her cheeks as everything else was forgotten about.

She would make sure he would never come to any harm, never again.


End file.
